The Random Place
by deadpan riot
Summary: Just some random stories that popped into my head. They're everything from comedy to angst, and everything in between.
1. Just Another Night

"_Inuyasha!_" The hanyu spun around in annoyance.  
"What now kagome!"  
"Don't you walk away from me!"  
"I'll walk away from you if I damn well please wench!"  
"Oh yea?"  
"Yea!"

Kagome grinned evily. "Sit." Instantly he was thrown face first into the ground for what seemed like the hundreth time that night. All because he'd decided to open his big mouth.

Why he always had to criticize her and call her names was beyond him. Though he could tell from the looks on the others' faces that they knew. Which annoyed him to no end. Though the real question for him was why she always took what he said to heart. Again, something only he seemed to not know the answer to.

Prying his face from the dirt, he glowered up at her. "Why the hell do you always have to do that!" Snorting, she pivoted on her heel so her back was to him. "Hey, I was talkin' to you!" Climbing to his feet, he made to grab her by the shoulders only to have her jerk away. "I don't want to talk to you Inuyasha, I'm going home." With that she walked away, leaving him to stare stupidly after her.

Snorting, he folded his arms. "If she thinks I'm gonna go after her, then she's got another thing coming." Grumbling, he wandered back to their sorry excuse of a camp to ignore the reproaching looks of his friends. "Teh, _humans_..."


	2. Peace Found Only at Sunrise

He turned and gazed out at the valley before him, ignoring the distant cries of his friends. The sun was soon to rise, the horizon painted brilliant shades of orange and pink. Warm spring air skated across his face to dance in his hair, sending it shimmering along his shoulders and back. The newborn light, just barely scaling the horizon, warmed his skin and carresed his face.

It was times like these that he lived for. When he could forget the hell that was his life, forget all the horrible things he'd seen and done. Forget his suffering. It was the times when he could let himself go that he truly felt at peace.

Hand resting on the hilt of his sword, he closed his eyes, letting go of all thought and feeling and concentrating on the wind in his hair and the sun on his face. Soon, he could no longer hear his friends calling out as they searched the woods for him.

They obviously didn't like it when he wandered off alone. Even though for most of his life he had been alone, left to fend for himself in the wilderness.

And still they worried.

This strange yet simple action confused and, well, touched him. That humans could actually care whether he lived or died was a foreign thing, and hard for him to grasp. Yet somehow he was slowly begining to. And as he stood there, thinking of those he'd come to call his friends, he felt for the first time in a long time like everything would work out. For better or for worse, he was ready to take on the world.

A distant sound of footsteps and voices reached his sensitive canine ears, and it took him a moment to relize they'd finnaly found him. Allowing the small smile that was tugging at his lips life, he opened his eyes to gaze out at the sunrise before him.

Soon, he'd be back to his normal routine of searching for jewel shards, slaying demons, and getting 'sat' by Kagome. But for now, he was content to soak up the last few rays of the peace one could only find at sunrise.


	3. The Favorite Question of the Imature

"Hey Kagome!"

"What Inuyasha."

"Were do babies come from?"

She stopped what she was doing, completly taken aback by his question. Looking up from the fire, she fixed her gaze on the hanyu. It was obvious by his look of innocence that his intentions had been anything _but _innocent.

She glanced at the others to see what their reaction was, only to find Miroku doubled up with silent laughter. Sango had her hand over her eyes, but though she was shaking her head, Kagome noticed that she too seemed to be trying to conceal the fact that she was silently laughing.

Glaring at them indignatly, she went to throw Inuyasha a dirty look, only to come face to face with him. Litterly.

"Well Kagome? You gonna answer me or what?" Quite used to him being up in her face, she simply stared back at him. "Inuyasha, si-" A tugging at her sleeve stopped her.

"Kagome?" She looked down warily at the small Kitsune, fearing she already knew what he wanted. "Yea Shippou?" He blinked innocently up at her. "Were _do _babies come from?"

"Uh..." The sound of Inuyasha snickering interupted her random construction of a lie involving blue trees, enchanted fruit, and, just for the hell of it, storks.

Narrowing her eyes she turned her annoyance on the hanyu. "Inuyasha sit!" Grumbling as he crashed into the ground not a foot from her, she climbed to her feet and stalked off to the laughter of the others. Which left Shippou to look between them all confusedly.

"What's so funny?"


	4. Sporks

"What is it?"

"Dunno."

Inuyasha held up the object in question. "Wonder what it does." Frowning, Miroku took it from the hanyu and held it up to his eyes. "It seems too flimsy to be too important, yet Kagome has many of them." Inuyasha nodded, grabbing the small box between them.

"They all look the same." Miroku blinked. "Really?" Upending the box, they watched as the many strange white objects fell out onto the grass. Miroku sifted through them. "They're all exactly the same!"

Inuyasha frowned. "You think they're some weird kind of food?" Before Miroku could come up with an answer, the hanyu grabbed a couple and began nawing on them.

"Well? Are they edible?" Inuyasha made a face and spat them out.

"Hell no, they taste like crap!"

"Then I guess we rule out 'food' on the list of things they could be."

Wiping the flecks of Inuyasha's spit from his face as he said this, Miroku contemplated the strange objects before them.

"Perhaps they are some form of futuristic miko device." Inuyasha scoffed. "Oh yea, that's real believable. More likely they're some weird kind of weapon. You know how humans love to kill each other."

Picking one up, Miroku examined it a moment before calmy stabbing it into Inuyasha's arm. "Ow! What the hell did you do that for ya stupid monk!" Miroku simply watched Inuyasha's reaction thoughtfully. "You know Inuyasha, I think you're right."

Said hanyu stared at him blankly. "Perhaps they _are _weapons, judging by your reaction." Inuyasha scoffed. "Alright then monk, let's see how you like getting stabbed with one of these weird ass white things." Grabbing one of the offending objects, Inuyasha held it before him like a sword.

Eyeing up the "weapon" in Inuyasha's grasp, he smirked. "Come now Inuyasha, do you really think you can win?" Smirking, Inuyasha lunged.

Not long after, a very exasperated miko was trying vanely to explain to them what their so called weapons really were. "They're called sporks guys! People use them to eat with, not to kill each other!" Inuyasha and Miroku blinked at her. "Sporks?" They asked confusedly. "Yes sporks! Not swords, sporks! S. P. O. R. K. S. Sporks!"

They looked at each other, noting the various cuts they'd sustained to their faces and hands. "They sure look like weapons to me Kagome." Rolling her eyes, she wrenched said "weapons" from their hands and went about stuffing the pile of sporks angerly back into their box. "Geeze Kagome, lighten up! It's not my fault you humans are weird."

Stopping what she was doing, she turned slowly to glare at the hanyu. "Weird huh?" Inuayasha raised an eyebrow at her. Smiling evily, she threw the box of sporks at Inuyasha. "What the hell woman!"

Kagome's smirk grew wider as she eyed the now re-spilled sporks through slitted eyes. "Inuyasha, sit!" With a yelp he was thrown face first into the ground. The ground covered with sporks.

"Ah!" Inuaysha lept up, hands flailing widely. "Get 'em off me!" Miroku burst out laughing. Inuyasha had at least a dozen sporks sticking out of his face, making him look like some kind of demented porcupine.

Kagome, restraining her laughter, got up. "Sorry Inuyasha, you know I don't like handling 'weapons' if I can help it." Laughing, she walked away to Inuyasha's shrieks of "getemoffgetemoffgetemoff!"


	5. Simon Says Sit!

"Get it Shippou?" The young Kitsune nodded. "Yea, I think so." Kagome smiled. "Good, now run along and play 'kay?" Shippou grinned. "Okay Kagome!" With that he scurried off to leave kagome with the wash.

"Why the hell are we sitting here! We should be out looking for Naraku and the sacred jewel shards!" Shippou grinned as he caught sight of the blustering hanyu. Here was a ready made target, the perfect person with whom to test his new game on. Remember what Kagome'd told him, he walked over to were Inuyasha and Miroku were.

Standing behind the hanyu, he began to mimic his stance and motions. Miroku, noticing Shippou's strange behavior, looked at him concernadly. Moving his mouth to mimic speaking, Shippou pulled faces as Inuyasha continued to rant.

After a little while, as Shippou's antics got stranger, Miroku's look went from concerned to amused, until he was full out laughing at the small kit's behaviour. "What the hell's so funny!" Miroku, unable to answer, simply pointed in Shippou's general direction.

Inuyasha spun to see what the monk was pointing at, but Shippou was too quick. He leapt around the hanyu, staying were he couldn't be seen. Inuyasha spun again to face Miroku. "What the hell are you-" Inuyasha stopped mid sentance. He didn't need Miroku pointing to know were the monk's source of amusement was. He could feel it.

Shippou had leapt up onto Inuyasha's head and was standing much the way the hanyu was, though he was still pulling faces. Inuyasha's hand shot out of nowere and grabbed the young kit by the scruff of the neck. Holding Shippou up to his face he scowled. Which of course the Kitsune copied.

"What the hell are you doing!"

"What the hell are you doing!"

Miroku laughed harder and Inuyasha's scowl darkened.

"Do you want to get beaten to a pulp?"

"Do you want to get beaten to a pulp?"

"Stop that!"

"Stop that!"

Inuyasha dropped the kit who imediatly stood to face him, mimicking his expression.

Inuyasha raised his arm. Shippou raised _his _arm. Inuyasha stood on one foot, Shippou stood on one foot. Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, Shippou copied him. Obviously annoyed now, Inuyasha crouched down onto all fours so his face was inches from Shippou's.

"You're really gettin' on my nerves."

"You're really gettin on my nerves."

Inuyasha growled. Shippou growled. Miroku laughed.

"I'm an idiot!"

"You're an idiot!"

Inuyasha grinned triumphantly.

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

Then what the kit had said sunk in.

"Why you little!"

"Why you li-ah!"

Inuyasha had lunged at him and grabbed him by the cheeks. Grinning evily, the hanyu proceded testing how far Shippou's face would stretch.

"Not so yappy now are ya? I'll teach you to screw with me you little ba-"

"Inuyasha!"

Said hanyu froze.

"Just what do you think you're doing!"

Unfreezing, Inuyasha let go of Shippou's face, only to grab him by the tail. Standing, he turned to face Kagome, kit in hand. "He was annoying me so I decided to teach him a lesson." He shook the kitsune for emphasis. "Geeze Inuyasha, why must you always be so violent? He couldn't have been that annoying!"

Narrowing his eyes, Inuyasha uncerimoniously dropped Shippou. "Oh really?" "Yes really!" Smirking, Inuyasha moved to mimic her.

"Inuyasha, what are you doing?"

"Inuyasha, what are you doing?"

Frowning, she crossed her arms. Frowning, Inuyasha crossed his arms.

"That's not funny."

"That's not funny."

"Inuyasha sit!"

"Inuyasha si-"

He slammed face first into the ground.

Mumbling to herself, Kagome stalked away, wishing she'd never told Shippou about that god damned game.


	6. Ramen Mailman

"Hey mom?" Mrs. Higurashi poked her head into the living room.

"Yes Souta dear?"

"I think Inuyasha's broken." She strared. "What?" He pointed to said hanyu. "Um..." She came into the room and moved towards Inuyasha, Souta at her heels.

Crouching down, she stared at Inuyasha's overly large, glazed looking amber eyes. "How long has he been like this?" Souta shrugged. "Since I came in here." Mrs. Higurashi frowned. "Oh dear."

"So he's broken then?" She sighed.

"Of course not!"

"But mom, he's drooling on himself."

That was true. The front of Inuyasha's haori was covered in drool. A fact which didn't seem to be fazing him.

"Maybe you'd better go get your sister." Souta nodded. "Suuure..." He moved away slowly, eyes transfixed on the hanyu.

Mrs. Higurashi meanwhile tried to bring Inuyasha back to his senses. She waved a hand before his eyes, snapped her fingers in his face AND ear, poked him, tempted him with Ramen, even said she heard the mailman. Nothing worked.

"Hey mom what's..." Kagome faltered, taking in the scene before her. "See, I told you he was broken!" Kagome, ignoring her younger brother, walked towards her mom and Inuyasha.

"Oh man, who left the lava lamp on again?" Mrs. Higurashi looked from her daughter to the thing Inuyasha was staring through. "You mean the lava lamp did that to him?" Kagome sighed. "Yea...He's weird that way."

Leaning over, she smartly yanked the cord out of the wall. Seconds after the lamp turned off and the goo stopped moving, Inuyasha blinked. Seeing them all crowded around he smiled dazedly. "Someone say somethin' bout a mailman made of Ramen?"


	7. Inuyasha's Hated Enemy

He poked it, it laughed silently at him.

He poked it harder. It stuck it's tongue out at him.

Scowling, he stared at the evil green substance. It was mocking him.

Muttering curses under his breath, he stabbed a finger through it.

The evil green stuff screamed.

He grinned.

"Who'd laughin' now ya bastard?" He hissed at it under his breath.

It chuckled darkly and grabbed hold of his finger.

Eyes widening, he yanked his hand away.

His grin of triumph at being free faded as he relized some of the 'evil green shit' was still holding fast to his finger.

He in turn shook his hand as hard as possible.

He smirked egotisticly as the peices came flying off, lodging themselves on other random things.

He stuck his tongue out at it as it cried in frustration.

It blew a rasberry at him, he stabbed it with a spork.

It bled green juice, he grinned in an evily insane way.

He lifted the spork to deliver the finaly blow and- "Inuyasha, stop playing with your food."

He stopped, mid stab, hand hovering inches above his hated enemy.

As he came back to reality, it was to find Kagome yanking the spork from his hand with her usual "utensils not weapons" thing.

Glowering at Kagome's back, he clenched his fist and brought it down forcibly on his icky green enemy.

He smirked in a demented self satisfied way as it squelched, peices exploding out from under his fist to splatter all over him, and everything else within a 5 foot radius.

"Stupid Jello..."


	8. Hide and Seek

Thanks for all the reviews everyone, glad you liked my randomness!

**purpleleemer**: It doesn't matter to me if you use the idea of putting random descriptions and ideas together into one, since the idea wasn't originally mine. Plenty of people do it. Go for it and I'll gladly read what you come up with!

"8...9...10! Ready or not, here I come!" Kagome opened her eyes. The room she stood in was empty. Meaning Inuyasha hadn't been lying, he _finnaly _got it.

But then why could she hear breathing?

Narrowing her eyes, she growled in frustration. "Inuyasha, you can't win Hide and Seek if you hide _behind_ me." She could almost hear his jaw drop. "How did you know I was here!" She turned to face a very annoyed looking Inuyasha standing mere inches behind her. "I could hear you breathing." He just stared at her, eyeing her up. Face screwing up in a scowl, he feh'd at her.

Crossing her arms in annoyance, she glared at him. "Your the one who wanted to play this stupid game." "No,_ Shippou's _the one who wanted to play this stupid game." "But _you're _the one who agreed to play with us! You could've said no you know." Grumbling, he folded his arms up into the sleeves of his haori.

Sighing, she took a silent vow to never try to teach him another stupid kid's game. He was just too childish sometimes to grasp their concept. "Come on Inuyasha, lets go find the others." He blinked at her. "_Why_?"


	9. At the Beach wthe Queen of England

Disclaimer: I don't own the sand on the beach, the water in the ocean, or the two brothers attempting to use afore-said items to kill one another

a/n: sorry it took so long to update! Between school and being grounded, I've had little time to work on the comp. So I bear two shorts of Inu and Sessh as kids for a peace offering in exchange for you not hurt-y me!

-

"_Da-ad!_ Sesshy recked my sand castle!" Sesshoumaru scowled down at his younger brother. "Tattle-tale!" Large golden eyes swiveled upwards to fix on the elder of the two. "I am not!"

Sesshoumaru folded his arms. "If your not a tatle-tale, than I'm the queen of england." Inuyasha snickered. "Your the queen of england!"

Sesshoumaru blinked. "What? No! I never said that!"

"Yes you did, yes you did!" Inuyasha stood, bouncing on the balls of his feet and pointing a clawed finger at his elder half brother.

"Shut up half-breed!" The insult had no effect on the young hanyou. "Sesshy's the queen of england! Sesshy's the queen of england!" Growling, Sesshoumaru lunged at his brother. He collided with a smack, sending them both head-first into the sand.

Scrambling to get up and out of the sand while at the same time holding Inuyasha down, Sesshoumaru somehow managed to sit on the hanyou's back. Grabbing hold of his younger brother's puppy ears, he pulled as hard as he dared.

Howling in pain, Inuaysha flailed, though he was unable to usurp his brother from his back.

"My ears!"

"I am not the queen of england! Say it mutt-face! say 'you're not the queen of england'!" Inuyasha howled out a barely audible no.

Growling, Sesshoumaru let go of the now-crinkled ears, only to shove his brother's face into the sand. "Say it!"

Unable to hear anything resembling what he was looking for amidst his brothers muffled howling, he placed his hands palm-down on the back of Inuyasha's head, pushing down harder. "Say it Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha flailed and cursed, but didn't give in. Placing one hand on each side of his brother's head, he commensed rubbing it back and forth, shifting the sand to make the hole beneneath his head deeper. "_Say it."_

"Sesshoumaru." Said pup froze at the sound of his father's voice. Still holding Inuyasha's face to the sand, he slowly roved his eyes upwards. Their father stood towering over them, arms crossed, in nothing but swim trunks. A sight that wasn't nearly as threatening as it should have been.

"Yes father?" Inuyasha still flailed underneath him, muffled words like 'father' and 'gonna get it' occasionly coming from the nonsense. "What are you doing?" Blinking, Sesshoumaru looked quickly down at his brother's head, searching for inspiration, which came in the form of a half fromed insult from Inuyasha.

"Teaching." His father quirked a brow. "Teaching?" Sesshoumaru nodded enthusiasticly. "Yes father. I was teaching Inuyasha not to lie."

"By rubbing his face in the sand?"

Grinning, the elder pup noded. "Exactly!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, their father sighed. "Sesshoumaru..." He opened one of his eyes to survey his sons. "Perhaps that's enough teaching for one day." Frowning, Sesshoumaru looked back down at his brother. "I don't know father. I'm not sure he gets it yet."

Groaning, he reached down and grabbed his oldest son by the nape of the neck, lifting him from his brothers back. Unfortunatly for Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru didn't bother to let go, instead pulling Inuyasha half-way up with him by the hair.

"Sesshoumaru..." Blinking up at his father, Sesshoumaru complied with a sigh, dropping his brother. Reaching down, he grabbed Inuyasha as well, hoisting him up so they were level. "Why don't you two go look for sea-shells, or, sharks, or, something." Two young faces gazed momentarily at him, one red and sandy, the other wearing a look of false innocence.

"Yes father." They obediantly replied in unison. "Good. Now go." With that he dropped them. Landing lightly, they bowed quickly before racing off towards the water.

Sighing, he wandered back towards were Izayou lay sprawled out on her towel. "What was that all about?" Plopping down next to her, he rubbed his temples. "Something about the queen of england I think." She stared at him. "The queen of england? Well, I suppose I've heard stranger..."

"Shut up half-breed!" The sound of splashing drown out what else was being said by both pups as Sesshoumaru lept onto his brother, sending them both under. Both parents unconciously blocked out the sounds of struggling, splashing and cursing, returning instead to their earlier activity.

15 minutes later, the lack of sound drew their father's attention. Scanning the shore, he spotted Sesshoumaru about 10 feet from the waters edge, only his upper body visible in the water, Inuyasha nowere in sight.

Relizing his father was watching him, Sesshoumaru waved good naturedly. "Dearest, were's Inuyasha?" Their father, eyeing the bubbles surfacing around his eldest in the water, had a pretty good idea.


	10. PaintBallin' It

Disclaimer: Me own-y nuthing, me own-y nuthing!

-

"Are you sure it's _wise _to give them _guns_?" Izauyo looked down fearfully at the two young pups, eyeing the weapons in hand. "Sure, they'll be fine. Their just paintball guns, how much damage could they cause?"

-

Inuyasha dove into the underbrush, scowering the forest around him for any signs of his brother. "Come on Sessh, were are you? You can't hide forever." The barely-audible-to-human-ears sound of the paintball gun going off exploded into the forest, followed shortly after by Inuyasha's yelp of pain.

Sesshoumaru laughed nastily at his younger brother, who lay sprawled at his feet, groaning. "You're such a baka! Didn't you relize I'd be able to hear you talking to yourself half a mile away?" Inuyasha made a sound somewere between a whimper and a growl as he pulled himself up.

Sesshoumaru's laughter intensified when his younger brother turned to face him, revealing were he'd been hit. "I've got pretty good aim if I do say so myself!" Frowning, Inuyasha reached up and gingerly touched his forhead, fingers coming away sticky with drying blue paint.

"Ow Sessh, that _hurt_!" Said inu shrugged. "Not my problem if you're a _baby _who can't handle a 'ittle paint ball." Scowling, Inuyasha picked up his paintball gun from were it lay at his side and proceeded to shoot his brother in such a place as it should be punishable by death.

Inuyasha cackled madly as Sesshoumaru fell to his knees, howling in pain. "_You're DEAD half-breed!" _Before Inuyasha was able to compose himself enough to scramble away, Sesshoumaru had landed three shots on him.

Inuyasha dove wildly behind the tree nearest to him, panting and moaning in pain. Clutching his gun to his chest, he looked cautiously around his hiding place. The area he'd just left was empty, his brother nowere in sight.

Relaxing under the delusion that he'd somehow given Sesshoumaru the slip, he dropped the gun to his side and began moving away from the trunk of the tree. "Hey stupid!" Inuyasha looked up just in time to see his brother perched on one of the higher branches of his tree, gun pointed right at him.

The first shot he let lose hit, though just barely as Inuyasha raced away. Sesshoumaru followed him via the tree tops, leaping from branch to branch and shooting every chance he got.

Ducking and dodging, Inuyasha did his best not to be in the same place for more than two seconds, throwing shots over his shoulder towards his brother's general direction in the process. A yelp of pain told him at least one had hit.

He grinned, deciding he was winning, even though he wore more blue than Sesshoumaru did red.

Immense pain in his ear broke his thoughts of victory as one of Sesshoumaru's blue paintballs hit it's mark. Yowling, he reached up to massage it, only to find it coated with the sticky blue susbstance. Growling in an all out 'it's on' kind of way, Inuyasha skidded to a stop and stood facing were his brother was.

With an animalistic roar Sesshoumaru lept from the tree, letting off round after round at his brother. Inuyasha dodged as best he could, then spun and returned fire. Sesshoumaru twisted in the air and threw himself out of the way gracefully, a feat which Inuyasha couldn't help but be impressed by. He never had figured out exactly how his elder brother managed it.

Sesshoumaru landed feet from him, taking and giving hits as he and Inuyasha lept around, bouncing off of tree trunks in a strangley intricate dance. Inuyasha, being less graceful then his brother, found the only protruding tree root near them and proceeded to trip over it.

Landing mostly on his face, Inuyasha made to get up, only to feel his brother leap onto his back. His hand inched convulsivly towards the butt of his paintball gun. "Don't even think about it baka-breath." Inuyasha stilled as he felt Sesshoumaru's gun come to rest inches from his skull.

"Any last words mutt face?" Inuyasha whimpered. Sesshoumaru squeezed the trigger, causing it to click, but not fire. Inuyasha flinched, then wilted in relief. "Stupid gun!" Sesshoumaru shook it violently. "Ha ha Sessh! Your gun's jammed!"

As dignatly as was possible with such an action, Sesshoumaru stamped on his brother's back. Yelping, Inuyasha squirmed, trying to free himself. Sesshoumaru, completly unfazed by his brother's brash movements, continued to hit and shake his gun to the best of his ability without breaking it.

Fearing the worst, Inuyasha gave one final, violent buck. Sesshoumaru, distracted by the sudden sound of footsteps, was thrown backwards. Diving forwards, Inuyasha gripped his gun and lept to his feet, aiming it straight at his brother's head.

-

The Inu no Taisho walked begrudgingly through the forest, hunting down his two young sons. Why? Because his wife didn't think it smart to give them guns and let them run around the forest shooting one another. And so he found himself looking for signs of their passage, finding it in the way of bright blue and red paint spots.

The sound of yelping and cursing reached his ears as he walked into a small clearing, the strangest(and most amusing) sight reaching his eyes. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru stood about a foot apart, each holding a paintball gun to the other's head.

His laughter drew the sibling's gazes, two pairs of bright amber eyes, so similar in their youth, fixated on his. "What's so funny! Sir." Inuyasha added hurredly when his father shot him a look. "You. You're both covered in paint." Blinking, they looked at each other.

Inuyasha burst out laughing at the sight of his brother. "Your covered in red spots Sessh! It looks like you got chicken pocks!" Snorting, Sesshoumaru let off one last round, hitting Inuyasha on the cheek. "Don't be a baka. Besides, you're covered in blue spots. It looks like you've been into the public toilets again."

Pouting, Inuyasha shot at Sesshoumaru, hitting him on the nose. "Yea, well you look like a clown!" Slapping a hand over his nose in pain, eyes watering, Sesshoumaru shot Inuyasha in the mouth, causing him to gag.

"Ug, that's friggen disgusting!" Inuyasha spit out blue onto the grass. "I fink you bro' mah toof!" Sesshoumaru cackled as Inuyasha felt up said tooth with his finger, eyes watering. "Da-ad! Sef bro' mah toof!"

Removing his bloody fingers from his mouth, he held aloft the tooth in question. Which only increased the volume of Sesshoumaru's laughter. Sighing, the Taisho held out his hands. "The guns." Both boys pouted up at him, laughter still escaping from between Sesshoumaru's clamped lips.

"But _father_!"

"Now."

Scowling, Sesshoumaru reluctantly handed over his weapon. Inuyasha just looked between his gun and the tooth in his palm. "Bu' dad, he bro' mah toof!" Frowning, he wriggled his fingers in a 'give-it-here' motion. Inuyasha handed it over begrudgingly.

"But father why? You said if we hurt ourselfs it was our own stupid fault-"

"Your mother's orders."

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. "She's not _my _mother, so she souldn't be able to tell me what to do."

"I'm telling you Sesshoumaru. Just because she didn't give birth to you-"

"That wench is _not _my mother."

Growling, the Taisho did the only thing he could think of. Taking Sesshoumaru's gun, he shot the pup in the shoulder, causing him to yelp.

"Come on boys, I think I smell dinner." Ignoring Sesshoumaru's growling and Inuyasha's snickering, he turned and headed off towards their home, guns in hand.

Of course the second their father was out of ear-shot, Sesshoumaru smacked Inuyasha upside the head, sending him sprawling onto the forest floor. Smirking egotistcly, Sesshoumaru made to follow their father, leaving Inuyasha in the dirt.

Scowling, Inuyasha pounced onto his brother, catching him around the waist, sending them both to the ground. "Boys.." Stopping their struggling, they distangled themselves obediantly and ran to catch up with the Taisho, shoving each other lightly along the way.

"You boys better behave yourselves at dinner or there'll be hell to pay." Glancing at one another, they looked up at their father. "Why?" The Taisho made a face. "lets just say your mother isn't in the best of moods today..."

Snickering, Sesshoumaru leaned over and whispered conspiritualy into Inuyasha's ear. "_That _means she's got _pms!_" Both boys burst into fits of semi-silent laughter, the Taisho sighing. "I'm afraid your right, Sesshoumaru. Afraid indeed.."


	11. Ultra Mega Death Warriors 5!

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha, but I do sorta own Ultra Mega Death Warriors 5: Feudal Combat. Sorta. Just the insane title.

-

"Sesshy! Sesshy look!" Grumbling at the indignation of being bothered, Sesshoumaru turned. "What now mutt face?" Inuyasha continued bobbing up and down excitedly. "It came!" Sesshoumaru quirked a brow. "What did? The brain that wench ordered off ebay for you?" Inuyasha stuck out his lower lip, pouting. "That's mean Sesshy."

Rolling his eyes, Sesshoumaru fell backwards onto the couch he'd been leaning against. "Whatever. Just tell me what came before I get annoyed and super glue you to the couch again." Inuyasha's eyes widened at the threat, remembering full well how uncomfortable and embarressing that particular incident had been.

"The game!"

"What game?"

"Ultra Mega Death Warriors 5: Feudal Combat!"

Sesshoumaru shot up from were he'd been lounging on the couch. "Seriously!" Inuyasha nodded enthusiasticly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Sweet! Lemme see!"

Inuyasha handed over the package he'd been clutching to his chest.

"Why is it still in this stupid packaging?"

"I couldn't get it off."

"You're kind of pathetic. You know that, right?"

Inuyasha growled as Sesshoumaru swiped a clawed hand across the packaging, effectivily shredding it.

As the paper fell to the floor, both boys stared transfixed at the picture on the cover. "Sessh, how come those characters look like us?" Tilting the game in hand, Sesshoumaru scrutinized it. "I think they _are _us."

Snatching the game from his brother's hand, Inuyasha held it up to his eyes, squinting. "I dunno Sessh, that one kinda looks like a girl." Smacking his brother upside the head, he re-stole the game back.

"Ow! That _hurt_!"

"Oh get over it."

Inuyasha rubbed his head sullenly as Sesshoumaru removed the tape from the edges.

"Here, go put it in." He shoved the game into his little brothers hands, then moved off towards the kitchen.

"Why do I have to? You know dad doesn't-"

"Just do it worm butt. 'Sides, I have to get something."

Grumbling to himself, Inuyasha wandered over towards the t.v. "Now lemme' see here, I just push this button..." The light that ment the system was on went on. "And then I push this, no _this _button..." The drive tray came open.

Grinning at his genius, he gingerly put the game into the drive and pushed it closed. Then he sat back and waited. And waited. He looked from the game-box, to the t.v, back to the game-box. As far as he could see, it _should_ have been working.

"Sesshy! Sesshoumaru!"

"What now cat bait!"

"It won't work!"

Sesshoumaru came into the room, his arms filled with junk food of all kinds. "Whad'u mean it won't work? Don't tell me you broke it." Inuyasha's eyes followed the fatty goods Sesshoumaru dropped at his feet. "I did it like you showed me, but it won't work."

Seshoumaru looked between his brother, the t.v, and the game-box. Pinching the bridge of his nose in a very InuTaisho way, Sesshoumaru sighed.

"You pushed the power button thing?"

"Yea."

"You put the game in?"

Inuyasha nodded. Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched. "Did you turn the t.v on?" Inuyasha opened his mouth to reply, then stopped, relizing his mistake.

"No..."

"Smart Inuyasha, smart."

Shrugging, Inuyasha grabbed the nearest bag of Cheetos and ripped it open.

"Sor-ry. 'S not my job to remember that."

"Obviously."

Sesshoumaru stabbed the t.v with a clawed nail, the screen blinking to life to reveal the start up screen for the game. Grabbing a controler, he chucked it at his younger brother, who caught it deftly. "Get that full of Cheetoes and dad'll kill you."

Blinking down at the slightly orange controller, he lifted it to his mouth and licked off the cheese, much to Sesshoumaru's disgust.

"Like that's much better."

"It's not cheesey no more!"

Sesshoumaru decided not to push the point any further. "Whatever."

-

"Boys! I'm home!" The Inu Taisho walked through the house, looking for signs of life. Aside from the fact that it looked like someone had raided his secret junk food cabinet, all was in order. But then, all he cared about was the junk food. "Nooooo! Someone stole my precious!" He howled in agony at the travesty, collapsing onto his knees before the barren cuboard. "Poor Little Debbie! And Chester! Oh, _Chester!_ I hardly knew thee!" He sobbed uncontrollabley.

"Take that baka breath!"

"No! You killed me!"  
"You have 3 lives left you idiot! Get over it!"

The Inu Taisho lept up from his place on the floor at the sound of his sons' voices.

"Ha! Super Ultra Mega Hyper Bloody Death Bomb!"

"No fair! You cheated!"  
"I did not baka-"

"Ha ha! Mega Ultra Death-Spin Claw Kick!"

"No fair! You can't do that!"

"Yes I-Noooo!"

"Hahaha! Super Evil Light Show of Death!"

"No! Quick, reflect, _reflect_!"

"NOT THE SWIRLING VORTEX OF DOOM!"

Pushing open the swinging door that connected the kitchen and the living room, the Inu Taisho was pummeled by the noise level. His sons had the t.v turned almost all the way up, and, they were yelling at each other.

Covering his ears and screwing up his eyes, he assesed the situation. That is, until he relized what was spread all over the floor. "MY PRECIOUS!" Neither boys so much as flinched when he threw himself down beside them, gathering the bags of junk food into his arms and rubbing them compulsivly against his face.

"Ha! Mega triple power up!"

"No fair Sessh, you _cheated_!"

"Did not! I got it fair and square!"

"Yea! Well take this! Ultra Mega Wedgie Wacker!"

"That doesn't even make sense!"  
"So what! It does in my universe!"  
"Well your universe is retarded! Ultra Hyper Purple Poison Attack!"

"Noooooooo!" Inuyasha dropped his controller in defeat.

"I win! Hahaha! How do you like me now!"

The Inu Taisho, pulled back into reality by the insane noise the telivison was emiting, looked up from his fryed goods to his sons. "What on earth are you playing!" Both the boys looked back at him, then said in unison, "Ultra Mega Death Warriors 5: Feudal Combat!" His eyes grew wide. "It came!" They nodded.

Letting his 'precious' fall into his lap, he swiped Inuyasha's controller, which still lay on the ground before him. "Score! I play-" He stopped mid-sentance, his eyes dropping to the controller in hand. "Why is this all slimey?" Sesshoumaru snorted. "I told you...!"

He turned his attention to his youngest, who was staring guiltily at his hands.

"Inuyasha..."

"Sorry dad. But it got all cheesey and-"

"You got _my _cheese on the controller!"

"I said I was sorry..."

"Hey dad, ask him why it's all slimey!"

"Why is it slimey Inuyasha?"

"Cause I maybe..sorta..kinda...licked, it?"

"You licked it?"

Inuyasha nodded aprehensivley as the Inu Taisho looked down at the controller in hand. Sesshoumaru snickered as he waited for the axe to fall.

Wordlessly, he grabbed his youngest by the back of his haori and proceeded to pull Inuyasha towards him. "Dad what-" Taking a fistful of the childs clothes, he wrapped it around as much of the controller as he could and started his attempt at rubbing the saliva and Cheetos from it.

"Da-ad, why are you using _my _clothes?"

"Because you're the one who got Cheetos on the controller."

"But Sessh's the one who gave me the Cheetos!"

Sesshoumaru shot his brother a nasty glance.

"That may be a fact," Here he shot Sesshoumaru a look, "but you're still the one-"

"But remember what mom said? You're not supposta use my clothes to clean things anymore!"

He snorted. "It's not like you don't anyway. Besides, what momma don't know..."

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at his father. "Oh _really_?" The Taisho stopped his minstrations to the controller. "Sesshoumaru.." Said inu smiled evily. "I know dad. Our little secret." He did NOT like the look his son had on his young face. In fact, it was the same look he'd worn the last time he'd blackmailed his father for a plastic pool filled with Reeses Peices.

"Sesshoumaru."

"Hurry up and pick your player dad so I can kick your butt already."

"_You're _going to kick _my _butt?"

"Yep. And there's nothin you can do about it."

The Taisho grinned. "Oh we'll see about that."


	12. Super Super Glue

Disclaimer: Me no owny Inuyasha, _or _super super glue

-

"Sesshy! Play with me!" Inuyasha lept onto the couch were his elder brother lay. "Go away Inuyasha, I'm not in the mood to deal with you." Inuyasha pouted. "But _why?_" Grumbling, Sesshoumaru ignored him, chosing instead to turn up the volume on his cd player.

"Sessh? Sessh what'cha listenin to? Sesshy? Sesshoumaru!" Sesshoumaru turned his music up louder. Frowning at the headphones stuck in his brother's ears, Inuyasha stood. "Sesshy!" He jumped once, then waited for a reaction. It never came. He jumped again, twice this time, then waited. Nothing.

An evil grin slid onto his face as he observed his brother, who was pointedly ignoring him. Taking a deep breath, he began jumping up and down, making as much noise as he could. "Sesshysesshysesshysesshysesshysesshysesshy-" Sesshoumaru growled, the combination of noise and movement getting to him. "-sesshysesshysessshysessh-"

In one swift movement, Sesshoumaru had swept Inuyasha's legs out from under him, sending him flying head-first onto the floor. "Ow!" Inuyasha pulled himself up, rubbing his throbbing head. "_Se-esh_!"

"Go away Inuyasha before you force me to resort to extreme measures."

Folding his arms across his chest, Inuyasha pouted up at his brother. "I just wanted to play."

"Yea, well I don't. Now go _away _Inuyasha."

Never one to give up so easily, Inuyasha climbed back onto the couch, climbing over Sesshoumaru. "Hey what-" Wedging himself firmly between the couch back and his brother's body, he shoved Sesshoumaru as hard as he could.

"You little bas-" Sesshoumaru hit the ground with a thud. Grinning egotisticly, Inuyasha plopped down were Sesshoumaru had been laying moments before. "_Inuyasha..._" Said hanyou's ears flattened at his brother's tone of voice.

"S-Sessh?" With a feral growl Sesshoumaru lept onto his younger brother, who started flailing and squirming the moment he relized what'd happened. "Get off Sesshy!" Digging his knees into his brother's sides, Sesshoumaru grabbed for Inuyasha's wrists, trying to pin him. "Sesshou-mar_uuuu_! Get _off_!"

Ignoring Inuyasha's protests, he dug his claws into the youngers' wrists, trying to hold him still enough with his knees so that he could hit him. Seeing this, Inuyasha flailed harder, yelling out curses and half-threats.

"What the _hell _is going on!"

"Sesshy's gonna hit me!"

"Sesshoumaru!"

Sesshoumaru stilled, eyes swiveling over to fix on the Taisho. "What have I told you two about fighting in the house?" Neither said a word. Sighing, the Taisho ran a hand through his hair. "Just knock it off alright? You know it makes your mother pissey."

Sesshoumaru gave his father a dirty look, but was ignored. "I have to leave for awhile, seeing as how your mother decided it'd be fun to invite a bunch of strangers over for dinner, so try not to destroy the house alright? Because you know if you do your mother will kill me for leaving you alone. And if that happens, then I'll be forced to haunt you for the rest of your lives."

Still neither said a word, though the effect the little speech had on them was obvious. "Good. Then I'll see you later." He left the room, leaving the brothers as they had been, staring incrediously after him. "Oh and get off your brother Sesshoumaru."

Scowling, Sesshoumaru complied, then with as much grace as he could muster, grabbed his cd player and stalked out into the kitchen, to find his father digging through a random drawer. "Damnit, were'd I put those car keys!" Sighing, Sesshoumaru opened the refridgerator and took out the keys that were sitting next to an old carton of chinease food.

"Here father." The Taisho blinked as his son threw him the keys, taking note of the closing fridge behind him. "Thanks. Mmm, porky." Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes at his father, who was smelling the keys. "Well, behave then. And if your going to lock Inuyasha in something, make sure to at least cut some breathing holes for him."

Sesshoumaru scowled at his father's back as he strode out the door. "Breathing holes my ass." Sighing at the sound of screeching tires, he turned back towards the living room, contemplating. He could hear the sound of the telivison, which Inuyasha'd turned up loud enough for the neibors to hear, and the sound of squeeking springs as he jumped on the couch.

He wanted revenge, that much was sure, as he never DID get to hit the hanyu, but the only question was _how_. Sesshoumaru let his eyes wander around the room, looking for a source of inspiration. And then he found it in the form of a red and white tube.

Evil grin sliding into place, he grabbed his weapon of choice from the counter were his father had left it during his raid of the drawers. Sneaking up on his brother would be no problem, as the kid had the volume on the t.v all the way up, but as for the rest of it...Well, he'd figure that out once he got there.

Sneaking up behind the couch, Sesshoumaru surveyed his pray, waiting for the right moment to strike. The minute Inuyasha had his back to him, Sesshoumaru lept, colliding with his brother. The youngest's cry of suprise was drown out by the theme music blaring from the t.v, as were the obsenities that spewed from Sesshoumaru's mouth. (most of which he'd learned from the Taisho)

In a matter of seconds it was over, Sesshoumaru's cry of victory lost to the screaming of the t.v, which he turned off seconds later. "I win mutt." Growling, Inuyasha pulled, attempting to continue the fight. "Give it up baka, you're not going _anywere_."

Inuyasha's eyes grew wide as he relized his brother was right. "Sessh! Sessh what is this! What'd you do to me!" Grinning maniacly, Sesshoumaru held up the now very empty tube for Inuyasha to read. Inuyasha wimpered.

"You didn't."

"I did. Obviously."

"But that's super super glue!"

"_Long lasting extra strength _super glue."

""But dad said-"

"Not to hit you. And I didn't. He never said _anything_ about glueing you to the couch. And you can thank him for the idea, as he was the one who left it on the counter."

Inuyasha wimpered. "Why couldn't you glue me to the couch _cushions_!" Sesshoumaru threw his brother one last grin, before walking around the couch toward the stairs, tossing the tube over his shoulder as he went. "So you can't get away."

Sesshoumaru cackled evily as he headed towards his room, Inuyasha's howls and curses following him the whole way. "Thank you father. And, thank you, super super glue!"


End file.
